Staying for now!

What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?

In this blog, I will discuss my thoughts on the concept of living a very long life. I am disabled so as I age I will become more disabled. I already have mobility problems and my left arm does not function correctly.

So, my thoughts of living a long life are when the good Lord tells me it is time to die, I will return home, but for now, I am hustling every day to try and make some money so that I can support myself.

The good Lord has a plan and when I attain whatever plan he has for me. I will die according to the plan he has set for me.

Lots of people in my shoes, would have given up on life and committed suicide because for me, life is extra hard. I thank the Lord that I have a roof over my head and food to eat and I can pay my bills. Well, beyond that I take it day by day. I try not to focus on the past so I try to stay busy. The good Lord God will decide when I die. Thank you for reading.

Play more music!

What could you do differently?

In this blog, I am going to talk about what I could do differently. Many people are stuck in a routine of getting up, going to work, coming home, making dinner, then going to bed. This is the vicious cycle of my life. If, I had a couple more hours to play with. It would be golden.

Since, I drive I have to pay for the car so I need to work. There is no way around that. My car is expensive so I need to work all month to make the payment.

If I could do something different. I would play music in front of people more often. Music is my happy place. I like just jamming away and singing. Maybe songs I wrote or not but jamming out. It is fun to see what comes out.

Plus what would really be good, is going back to the gym. The gym, especially cardio helps me breathe better, which is something I need to sing better. Plus, it is healthy to go to the gym. It makes me feel better too.

What would be cool is to play music for money, something to think about. First I would need to go to an open mic so people can see my talent. Then, talk to the owner of a bar and try to get a paid gig, which is cool. Well, I have my work cut out for me.

I have to work my job to pay for my car. Also, work on playing music at an open mic. Plus go back to the gym. So that is what I could do differently, but I am in the vicious cycle of getting up, going to work, making dinner and then bed.

So I need to reexamine my life to make it better for me and putting music, the gym, would make me happier. Thank you for reading.

Twists and turns

If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say?

In this blog, I am going to discuss, if I had a freeway billboard, what would it say?

Life is full of twists and turns, so enjoy the ride the best you can, know that God is with you, so shine through the night.

Thank you for reading.

The past takes my thoughts

Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

In this blog, I will discuss whether I spend more time thinking of the past or more time thinking of the future.

Well the past affected everything in my life. I am disabled because of the past. So, I spend more time thinking about the past. I think about how I will make this life work. I think about how I am going to turn an awful injury into a blessing. There has to be a way to turn this injury into something that can be useful to others.

Whether they have been shot in the head or not, the information I can discuss with them can help a lot. Not too many people have been shot in the head and live to talk about it. So the information can be useful.

Most people focus on the future. It is hard for me to focus on the future when I cannot use half my body. I will not give up on life because I know there has to be a purpose for this injury. Even though, things are hard. If I can make it easier for others living with a similar injury. I will do that. I do have a bachelor’s in social work. I just need to find my niche and make it work out for me.

In conclusion- I spend more time thinking of the past because of my injury (shot in the head). Thank you for reading.

Going out on a limb

What is the greatest gift someone could give you?

In this blog, I will discuss what is the greatest gift someone can give me. Well, I have been disabled for about 37 years and it is very challenging to be disabled. Life doesn’t come easy to those who have any type of impairment, especially if the limbs do not function correctly.

So for this question, I am going to say make me physically normal again, so life will not be so challenging. That means I would like my dominant left arm back and a normal left leg back. For goodness sake, bring back my memory. I forget everything. If my head was not screwed on, I would forget that too. So that would be the greatest gift someone could give me.

I know this is only a question. I will probably have to live my whole life disabled. People have told me my injury is too old, so there is little anyone can do for me. It is really discouraging and confusing why no one has come up with a cure to paralysis for older injuries. Thank you for reading.

Colleges for higher learning

What colleges have you attended?

In this blog, I will discuss which colleges I attended back in the past.

I attended Pina Community College back in the 1990s. It was a groovy time, before computers took over the whole college campus. When I was in English class, I got to use my first computer and type my paperwork on it. The class was sort of the same thing as jetpack. The teacher would give us a question to write about and we wrote about it. It was a very good class.

I graduated from Puma College with two Assistant degrees. One in Social Services and the other in Social Services working with the youth in 1999.

Then, I went to Arizona State University and received my Bachelor’s degree in Social Work in 2002.

I went to the University of Arizona for electives, such as philosophy, which was awesome. I had a teacher from Australia teach the class. He was a great teacher. Thank you for reading.

Playtime is a great time!

Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?

In this blog, I will answer the question, do I play in daily life? What says”playtime”to you.

I play my drums every night. I cannot play them too loud because I usually play them late at night. I have pads to muffle the noise so I can hit them without making too much noise. It is a great workout for me.

I also sing original songs while I am hitting my drums. Such as “Burning fire.”

The memory

Of that night

I got shot in the head

Burns in sight

Should’ve been dead

But I live to fight another day

As the anger

Ignites in my mind
burning fire it’ll never die til I’m dead burning fire

Sparks fly anger ignites

Burned by that night

Flaming torches soar high

Scorching smoke rises to the sky

Burning fire it’ll never die til I’m dead til I’m dead

Burning fire

Devastation of life

Falling over in the fire

For nothing
But the aching hate

In his mind
Burning fire Burning fire it’ll never die til I’m dead

Well writing on jetpack is something else I do for play. It is always interesting the questions they ask. Most are intriguing. It is a fun way to express myself.

In conclusion, I drum for play and sing original songs such as “Burning fire,” and I write on Jetpack which is fun and playtime too. Thank you for reading.

Disability challenges

What are your biggest challenges?

Everyone has challenges, such as disability, financial, social, educational, unemployment, mentally, etc. There are a lot more than I named, but my biggest challenge is my disability.

My disability affects everything I do. The way people see me. The job I can get. How much money I make. Since, I use one arm and walk with a limp, it is very easy to get looked over for some good opportunities. I still attempt to live through all that life has to offer me. I do not plan to give up on life; even though it gets hard because I still am living. I need to make the most of this life. Even though it is hard to be disabled. I have no plans to give up on life.

My depression is sometimes hard to handle. I have problems getting out of bed. I get up by eating an apple and drinking coffee, but the yogurt puts me back to sleep. That is another challenge of mine. Eating yogurt and going back to sleep. I probably need to drink more water and less caffeine.

I am depressed because I did not get any justice for this injury (shot in the head). My family let my cousin get away with shooting me in the head. I am pissed off, the cousin walks around like he did nothing wrong. He is like a cockroach in hiding. I don’t know where he is and my family keeps us apart. They think I will go ballistic on him, which I might because I don’t like being disabled.

My other challenge is finances. I am in a lot of debt. I have a degree, but since I am disabled it is hard for me to utilize it. Some people are afraid to hire me, when they see me walk in with a limp. One of these days, I will get a job with my degree, I just got to keep trying. I cannot give up on my degree. The challenges are all too real. Thank you for reading.

Nostalgic feeling

What makes you feel nostalgic?

In this blog I will discuss what makes me nostalgic. All sorts of things such as just thinking about my life at 12 years old and how much easier my life was back then. I was physically normal back then. How things certainly change sometimes for the worse. Just because the cousin was playing with a gun it went off and shot me in the head. I never recovered from that.

My friends on here never take your physical normalizy for granted because you could be disabled in an instant. Just thank the Lord you are not.

Another thing that makes me nostalgic is music. Especially, the Who’s song “Bargain.” That song was a big hit in the 1970s. When that particular song comes on. I think of my grandma’s house. I am sitting on the couch in the living room. The sun is shining very bright in the living room. It is almost time for the sun to set. It brings me back to a time that I cherish, when my grandparents were alive. God rest their souls. Thank you for reading.

On the positive side.

What relationships have a positive impact on you?

In this blog I will talk about relationships that have a positive impact on me. I have lots of relationships with all sorts of people and things, let’s take a look.

My sister is my rock relationship. She is very special to me. We do a lot of stuff together, such as eat together, do Doordash together, watch shows together. Life without her, would be very bland. She is awesome.

My relationship with my family, such as my aunt Gracie and my uncle Frankie and their children. That is very special too because I can always call them and that, cheers me up.

My friends relationship. I have some good friends, such as Engel, Matt, Chase. They are there when I need them. Whenever I need someone to play music with me, they are there. They are cool that way.

The relationship with my drum set is a very strong relationship because when I am feeling down. I can bang on my drum set and feel better. It is that simple. Just the act of hitting the drums makes me feel better and less angry. It works every time.

The relationship I have with my music, such as Two pac and Rick James. This music gets me going so I can be more productive and cheers me up too because when I am listening to music. I don’t have to think of my problems, which is good.

The relationships I have with movies and shows are a true escape from reality, such as the Chi and Shameless or even Blade Runner. These shows and movies are truly a way for me to escape this world and enter the world of the show or movie.

My work relationship, it is where I can be more productive and make money so I can support myself, which is awesome.

In conclusion-the relationships I have may be many, but for me they are necessary to live the life I want to live. Thank you for reading.